Progress!

Christmas was yesterday, and the day was lovely. Quiet and relaxed. December has been a challenging month, with several moments of loss, sadness, and disappointment. At the same time, right now, today, I feel like the optimism I described in my previous entry maybe wasn’t such a waste of energy after all. Nothing has actually happened yet, no visible fruit, but all the same, things free more on track than they have in ages.

First, at Cage Free Voices, concrete deals are solidifying. It’s still too early to announce all the details, but after a rather tumultuous year, there are strong indications of some steadiness. We have contracts with people who are willing and able to follow through with their promises. We will be busy, very busy, but will finally, hopefully, have the space to work on the projects we most want to pursue. As with many startups, we’ve been having to pour most of our time into all the things required for survival instead of the things we enjoy. There are still risks, nothing is ever guaranteed, but there is a rightness to the way things seem to be coming together that is very reassuring.

Second, two of my favorite people appear to be coming out of dark seasons. One experienced a huge blow last spring that completely undermined their confidence and led them to retreat from the world. In the past several weeks, they’ve started reentering life and interacting with others. It’s wonderful. The other had also withdrawn but for reasons related to medication that left them numb. Recently, a few changes were made that should help bring vitality back. It’s early days, too soon to know the true outcome, but signs are positive. I’m excited. I want this change for them. I’m also selfishly excited for myself. I have missed these guys.

Thirdly, lastly, and most weirdly, is my health. Since the episode back in September, I’ve been getting worse, and have an ambulatory EEG scheduled for the end of January. An AEEG is a 72-hour EEG you have at home, living your life. It’s been stressful because the mini events have been fairly predictable, but there weren’t available dates during the most likely windows. Then, a week ago today, I had full on seizure out of nowhere, going completely against the pattern of predictability. The episode is a story in and of itself. All I will say now is that I was about as safe as is possible, and that my brother was again the hero of the moment. The important thing for this entry is that all the worries about the timing of the test and whether or not I’ve been overreacting to feeling off have dissipated. I can’t control this thing, and it will be okay. Yes, there are some huge questions and concerns, but steps are already in place for me to get the right help. This is complicated enough without me adding extra problems. It will be okay.

So, yeah, I’m feeling optimistic. Judging from the addled state of my brain, this may be foolish, but I’ll take it!

Mall-E, my brother's dog, is very friendly but not much into to cuddling. Two days after the seizure she made an exception because she could tell I felt poorly.