Encounters with Misplainers and Manspainers

via GIPHY

In no particular order, here is a collection of some memorable encounters with people over-explaining things:
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Clearly You're New Here
In October 2018, on the final day of a solo-backpacking trip in a national wilderness area, I encountered a group of men just starting out. To be fair, they did give me some useful intel about a narrow passage up ahead. However, they went into excessively elaborate detail on how to navigate blow downs and creek crossings, the same type of terrain I'd been navigating for days.  Even worse, they killed a small snake so I wouldn't be scared by it. They were courteous in their concern for my well-being, but completely unaware of my actual being. I felt like they saw me as one of the three ladies in the GIF to the left, as opposed to hail and hearty camper that I was.

STRE-TCH!​
Several years ago I joined some friends at a hotel for a conference. The first morning, while stretching on the floor, I muttered "Boy, I'm stiff." Overhearing me, one of my friends launched into a long explanation of how stretching works and that bodies are stiffer in the morning. There was no recognition of the fact I wasn't seeking advice, nor that I've been stretching regularly since age twelve. I was just surprised by an unexpected kink in my back caused by my seven hour drive the day before. A minor incident, but DAMN.

Pubescent Overload
One of the many things I did not anticipate when I became I middle school teacher was how often parents would explain puberty to my colleagues and myself during meetings. Eventually I realized that most parents were needing to say it out loud for themselves, as a way to anchor their emotions as they dealt with the changes in their child. But a small handful really seemed to believe that we were unacquainted with the trials and tribulations of adolescence and were in need of a detailed lesson. Most memorable was the time a mother tried to excuse her daughter's habit of stirring up drama by loudly declaring that her daughter, "has her period! She has hair on her va-GI-na!" My colleague, an older woman who is one of the most classy and sophisticated people I've ever known, had an expression on her face like no other. Priceless.

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