Baggage

 The metaphor of people having baggage is a familiar and useful way to describe a person’s emotional experiences, particularly in the dating world. Comments like, “she may be young, but she doesn’t have a lot of baggage,” or “be careful of single parents, they likely have tons of baggage,” are common. Lately, however, I’ve been wondering why the idea of having baggage is construed as negative.

I have baggage. There is no questioning it. I have areas where I need to let go, and wounds that remain sensitive. These things have a tendency to create anxiety and self-doubt, which in turn make it harder to build friendships and pursue goals.

At the same time, as a direct result of the things I’ve carried with me, I have grown in kindness, compassion, and overall confidence. I am much more equipped to face and interact with the world than I was even 5 years ago, let alone 10, 15, or 20. I wouldn’t change that.

Consider literal baggage, the kind intentionally packed for trips. A person who packs too much creates an inconvenience. They may have everything they think they need, and then some, but the hauling of luggage limits travel options and requires others to carry some of it. Perpetual concern is given to keeping track of everything. Quite possibly their worry over their own stuff will disrupt their ability to fully enjoy the new experience.

On the other hand, a person who carries very little has a lot of freedom to travel and explore. They are not held down by the burden of heavy bags. However, their resources are limited. A simple change in weather can leave them unprepared and needing others to provide what they lack. There is a naivety to this reliance.

In between these extremes is the experienced traveler. They definitely have baggage, but they know what they have and why they have it. On previous trips, they have taken too much. On other trips, they packed too like. However, over time they learned what they actually need. Do they get it right every time? Of course not. Do they ask for assistance or offer help as the situation requires? Of course yes. Experience does not equal perfection. Experience provides a balance between preparedness and flexibility.

​Back to the metaphor, I argue that instead of asking, “Do they have a lot baggage?” a better question is “What are they doing with the things they carry with them?”