A Month and Three Days

I have not been training well for the 50k. Between the heat and starting a new job, it’s been hard to maintain a schedule. Not to mention that I just get tired. A good workout sometimes means I can’t do much else the rest of the day. Alternatively, a busy day at work can leave me too glitchy to feel safe working out. Any routine has to allow room for my symptoms.

It’s not all bad, though. I can run 10 miles reliably enough, and I’m having less trouble with reflux. Also, a change in medication has improved my symptom management. Yes, they still show up (Saturday I cut my run short because of double-vision) but, I’ve really been testing the limits lately. I’m actually impressed with how little they’ve interfered.

I want to do these next few weeks well. On a practical level, I want to plan better lunches so that I can do a simple workout when I get home. Needing a snack slows my momentum and I end up just lounging until I go to bed. I don’t need to do anything fancy, but I want to do something daily. Friday or Saturday can be my long day.

I want this experience to improve my relationship with my body. Not so much in an “overcoming limitations” kind of way, but more in accepting what I can and cannot do. I want to be comfortably present within my body. I want to move on from the disappointment I’ve been feeling since I got sick. I’m not sure how this race will help with this, but it appears to be the way forward.

I have no expectations of awesomeness. I hope to finish in under 8 hours, but under 10 will be great if reflux and other issues make an appearance. Finishing is the goal, and I know I can do that.

I love running and will keep running, but I haven’t enjoyed the pressure of the looming deadline. I’m glad I’m doing this but I’ve learned I want a more relaxed relationship with running.

Truthfully, what I really want is a more relaxed relationship with myself.