The Man I Saw Running

As I write this, our country is in the middle of a government shutdown where huge numbers of people are about to lose their SNAP benefits. Also, health insurance benefits are about to increase dramatically, mine included. I’m trying to wrap my mind around the implications of all that, while trying to sort through my options for steadier employment that won’t interfere with my Art Teacher job or my health. I have a lot of leads and a lot of thoughts.

So, today I’m going to share an anecdote from the summer of 2011. Obviously.

One day, I went on a walk in Tower Grove Park. It was a hot and sunny, heat-advisory sort of afternoon, and not many people were out. I liked having the place mostly to myself and kept to the shadier parts of the park. Utterly lost in thought, I emerged from a narrow path thickly lined with shrubbery to find myself completely startled by a man running.

Now, I was so in my head, I would have been startled to see anyone at the moment. A close friend, my mother, even a squirrel. This particular man happened to be black and very fit. My impression at the time, based on the way he held his very muscular arms while running, was that he could be a boxer. And when I gasped in startled surprise, I also startled him.

In response, he immediately spoke and made calming gestures to show he wasn’t a threat. I always knew he wasn’t. I was just a flaky lady who lived in my head, spazzing out a little while being forced back into reality. I tried to convey that I was just startled by the presence of anyone and knew he was fine, but I was so embarrassed, I left pretty quickly.

Afterward, and still to this day, I was really struck by how quickly he assumed I was afraid of him. I’ve wondered how other white women have reacted to him in the past when, to me, he seemed like a cool guy. Even before the calming gestures. One of the most illuminating parts for me is that right after it happened, when I shared it with a couple of friends, they were reluctant to believe that he was wary of me being afraid of him. They were sure there had to be other explanations. Ones that fit their worldview.

That experience has played a key role in helping me hear other people as I’ve learned more about prejudice, racism, and other hard things. It’s important to take the story of another’s experience seriously. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree. Eye-witness testimony is unreliable, and facts can get skewed. However, that happens because emotional impressions are strong, and those don’t come from nowhere. Additionally, when thousands and millions of people are telling the same stories, that adds a powerful level of validity.
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Right now, the prominent stories aren’t about white women overreacting in parks. They’re about people worried about keeping access to food, jobs, education, and healthcare. Sounds pretty valid to me.